I have abandonment issues. I think we all do to a certain extent. So when a customer is ghosting me I have a hard time letting go. We just don’t have the solution to their problem, so I just keep digging like a dog searching for a bone in the backyard, not knowing where I buried it.

We were on a forecast call this morning and my manager said “I don’t see how this is even a deal.” I got defensive, and pushed back. “What do you want me to do? Our product just doesn’t work.” Is that true, maybe, probably not.

Because I am stubborn and a headcase, I sent an email to the CTO and CEO during the forecast call, in a manic fit of rage. Closing the file as the subject line, I asked what more could we possibly do. They probably won’t respond, but if nothing else, sending that email allowed my OCD brain to move on. That is all I can control.

The Toltec’s had a fantastic mentality when it comes to life, problems like this and personal freedom. It is called “The Four Agreements”. Anyone who has been to an AA, NA meeting or any kind of DBT or behavioral health group has probably heard of this. Here are the 4 agreements you need to sign. Stick them on a post it note, get them tattooed on the inside of your eyelids if you have to.

1. Be Impeccable with your Word: Speak with integrity, only say what you mean, and don’t use words to speak against yourself. And most importantly use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.
2. Don’t take anything personally: Remember that nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality not yours. And when you are no longer subject to others opinions and actions, you will never be a victim again.
3. Don’t make assumptions: Ask questions and express what you really want. Communicate as clearly as you can to avoid drama, and misunderstandings.
4. Always do your best: And remember this changes from moment to moment. Your best on a Monday after a bender is different than on a Wednesday after a great workout.
   
   These deals falling through, isn’t an indictment on your capability, competence or your performance. Your words not resonating says more about the customer’s ideology and personality than what you said. So find someone who it does resonate with. Remember the 4 agreements.
   
   There are 7 billion people in the world. One of them will care about what you have to say. If that CEO isn’t responding, or your deal is falling through, call someone else. And call again until someone does respond. God!
   
   “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”
   
   Do what you can, know when to move on, then let it go.
   
   
   
   
   

Alive, Alert, Awake, Enthusiastic. My kindergarten teacher Mrs. Johnston used to say this every morning to get us 5 and 6 years olds up and ready for class. Even back then I used to sigh and think how infantile and borderline patronizing that was. But now this is how I respond whenever anyone at work asks me how I am doing. It makes people smile and laugh in a sarcastic way. Lord Byron, a poet from the olden days, and probably a thief of good quotes like me, said “Always laugh when you can. It’s cheap medicine.”

Recently I read a book, not a big deal, called “Before and Laughter” by Jimmy Carr, one of my favorite comedians. (you will notice a running theme here) In it he talks about how humor is armor that we put up to mask pain. Everyone knows someone who is always joking, always trying to bring levity to a situation. Your friend that has a story for everything. Ask them how they are doing. Because the person who is exhibiting the most joy is in the most pain. 

In terms of sales, why I do it, is the feeling it gives me. My brain basically does not produce serotonin, and dopamine, the hormones of happiness and excitement. (I’m not a doctor so I probably am wrong) The rush that you get when a deal comes in, or you get a response after countless emails and calls gives me that surge of dopamine and serotonin I lack in my day to day life. It is a rollercoaster of emotions, a constant ebb and flow of joy and despair, excitability and dejection. That is why it tends to draw out thrill seekers. People searching for that serotonin and dopamine.

Sometimes that means Salespeople are naturally happy, and confident and curious on the best of days. But it also brings out instability. I know so many people who struggle with the pressure both internally and externally. You have concrete numbers and expectations but the path to get there isn’t clear. It is seemingly random at times, which for someone with OCD like me, makes it frustrating as all hell. Managers are under pressure for forecasting deals that you aren’t ready to call. Engineers and support are under pressure from Sales to do whatever it takes to earn business, because shareholders don’t accept excuses. 

You can’t always control outcomes in sales, even though it is a “meritocracy”, a numbers game. And you might think you are talented and special and charismatic, you probably are. And certainly your mom will tell you that you are. There are a lot of uncontrollable factors in life and in sales. What you can control is your attitude. 

So Laugh, it isn’t that serious, you aren’t curing cancer. (unless you are, and good one by you) When a manager pushes on you, remember they are goldfish, they will probably forget what they are mad about in 5 minutes and move on. When a deal falls through, you almost have to laugh because of the absurdity of how much you cared. Laughter is cheap medicine. 

Even if your customers aren’t biting, buy some for yourself.